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bam_will_kill_u

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(no subject) [May. 7th, 2008|05:58 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[mood |stressedstressed]
[music |some random techno]

I'm about to rip my hair out and possibly murder kristyn. I've lost respect for meagan and I can't wait to get out of here. Drinking I can handle, I've gotten used to kris smoking and all that shit. But I can't believe this now. Meagan took oxy with kris as well as percosets... and they are going to have a threesome with captain asshole in order for meagan to lose her virginity. I can't take this really. Kris is an example of something I never want to be... I have no respect for her what-so-ever and I really just want to punch her now... I definitely don't feel the same way towards Meagan as I did before. I just want to leave... I want to escape... I tried helping them, I tried to be supportive and be a good friend, but this is against my morals now. And I feel uncomfortable. I guess I had meagan pegged down wrong. She not the girl I thought she was. everything has fallen to shit and I can't take them anymore...
I can't wait till college so I can make new friends... I know kris wont keep in touch with me mostly cause I refused to get my brother to buy her alcohol. I'm of no use to her. I don't have connections. I don't do drugs like she does. I'm not as sexually promiscuous as she is. She's out grown me.
I've already gotten a glimpse of what meagan will end up like. She never going to be as pretty as before. Her self as changed and therefore her image to me has changed... Kris is going to die... I know she is. She keeps mixing medication and other drugs, then her dosages get upped and then she will die because unnecessary substances compete with the meds for her brain and she's gonna do something stupid... Not that she hasn't already.
I want to leave as soon as possible. I think I'm gonna talk to Daryl soon about starting on my room. Being at the beach will do me some good... Hopefully.
I want a clean slate and a fresh start. I feel bad because all of my anger towards kris and everything else gets taken out on adam when he does some stupid little thing, I just blow up. I just... I gotta get out of here. I gotta quit my job and start new.
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(no subject) [Apr. 2nd, 2008|10:28 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[mood |apatheticnot sure]
[music |"No Sign Of Life" OK Go]

It's been awhile since my last post. You can tell by the fact that I almost sound affectionate towards the pedophile. I fear that things are going down hill the same way with adam as they were with keith. I need to speak with adam on Friday in person to get this point across and to determine where this relationship is going. I've found that recently I have nothing but complaints towards him and his apathetic behavior. I'm afraid to voice my concerns for fear that he'll just disregard them and say that I'm over reacting or taking things too seriously... Which almost exactly what keith told me only he said I was bipolar. I don't want to be a bitch like molly about our relationship but changes must be made if this relationship were to survive. I have troubles with breaking up with people. I don't like seeing others emotionally hurt... And I don't want to have to result to that just yet. I'm not sure anymore. I need some type of counsel.
The issues with adam are also not improving with stress from work. I was finally starting to get somewhere only to be dashed back to the rocks when amy unexpectedly quit. it's been stressing and the fact that ari all of a sudden is bossing me around when I was told several times that she wasn't my boss, is rediculous. She hardly works and when she does she does it slowly and badly. I'm on the verge of screaming and destroying something. I really can't take this. I try to tell myself it really isn't that much to deal with, but it falls so heavily upon me. I want it to be summer and for me to be far away from everyone. Hopefully my dad will either take me on a road trip of to europe, hopefully the latter. Meagan, Kris, and I were planning on taking a camping trip in RI near Newport, so I'm psyched for that... I don't really know what else to say. I know no one is going to read this though, seeing as pretty much none of my friends no about it... Maybe Eddie, but it's most likely long forgotten to him. Kinda miss talking to him though...
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(no subject) [Jun. 14th, 2007|12:06 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[Current Location |Library]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |dan]

It's been way to long since I've added onto here.
I feel more comfortable writing on this journal.
Ganaros is driving me insane. She claims that Morgan is hurting Katie and then Katie's controlling Morgan and now she's with the both of them. She confuses me and now she all she talks about is Katie and Morgan and what Katie and Morgan did. I'm sick of it. I've stuck with her this long but I can no longer take this. I'm alone and now all I have is Keith. Meagan is talking to me more and she's the only one that I've voiced my concerns too and gotten an intelligent response back from.
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(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2006|09:38 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[mood |melancholymelancholy]
[music |"Sink into The Underground" by: CKY]

Well i havent been on here in awhile not since i liked kacie.*shudders* Oh well time to bitch. I don't know if steff is actually going to set me up with a guy or she is just making it up. I don't want to be put into a 'relationship' with someone who might not even be real. I don't know. I just don't want anything like that to happen. I don't know if even malachi was real, seeing as I never saw him. I don't know if she is just being like that and at the end of the year is going to say it was a big joke. I'm also falling away from my freinds and I dont like that. Steff forced her way into the group and is making the others feel uncomfurtable. They don't say it to me but I can tell, its hidden behind their eyes. I don't like it when Joe is over when I'm at steff's because he forces all her attention toward him. But I guess thats how my friends feel, 'cuz steff does the same thing but in a less sexual manner. I don't want my freinds to think I abandoned them 'cuz i didn't. I don't want to lose my freinds. they have been there for me longer than steff has and they were and still are a big part of my life and it hurts me that I'm drifting away from them. I really am trying to even out the group to steff ratio but steff makes it kinda hard. I don't want to just leave steff either because she has to go through alot of shit at home and is going through a hard time. she's been losing freinds left and right. I honestly don't know what to do. I am so confused, and my emotions are running amuck right now so I'm gonna stop and collect myself.

~Sesshi~(I maybe Llama now, but I always was and will be Sesshi)
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(no subject) [Jun. 21st, 2005|04:26 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |"Liberate" Disturbed]

..... feelings are weird, I was acting all bitchy to leanne cuz well she was being leanne and annoying the hell out of me becuz.... she's leanne and I read the letter she wrote me and, I wasn't mad at her anymore, cuz she said that I meant somethin to her and that was the first time one of my friends actually said that they needed me..... ever...... cuz normally I'm just the bitch who talks alot and is abusive... I hate feelings they get us into to much trouble.
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(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2005|12:58 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[mood |crankycranky]
[music |"Sporradic Movement" By: CKY]

....Alright I am really tired and stuff.. someone actually posted something in my community so thats good. I hate my mom.... I am going to get an Element shirt from Eddie tomorrow so I am happy.. crap now I go to get a new laptop because this one is dieing..stupid piece of crap.
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(no subject) [May. 31st, 2005|04:47 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |"There's no 'I' in Team" By: Taking Back Sunday]

life is a bitch, life is a bitch lalalalalala... guess i can't complain got it better than most...*goes of in to lala land*
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(no subject) [May. 24th, 2005|03:42 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[mood |sleepysleepy]
[music |"Lilacs & Lolita" By:From Autum To Ashes]

I'm tired and bitchy(more than usual) and hungry and all that good shit. best of all my cpu is a mega ultra bitch.... Yeah for life. Uhg, my only saving grace right now is H.I.M and CKY^_^....die ppl...
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(no subject) [May. 13th, 2005|01:32 pm]
bam_will_kill_u
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |pain in the ass study hall]

kacie you should really stop posting messages on my journal you crazy hoe.
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i made this for u....like it or i'll kill u [May. 6th, 2005|10:20 am]
bam_will_kill_u
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